Professional Football Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks of the Century 2013: Week 1

Here are some NFL picks.  I am choosing to abstain due to the small spreads, every week doesn't really count because a Wild Card team can win the Super Bowl, and with the Browns sucking and my fantasy football team sucking, and by being hungover on Sundays, there are reasons why teams are favored but really, any game is a coin flip and every game comes down to a field goal, so I stay the hell away from NFL spreads unless a 6pt teaser on the afternoon games are available.  ANYWAY...I've been told placing wagers on the NFL teams that are playing each other is becoming quite popular so here you go...

By Robert Perryman (@iamnotajerk)

Welcome all to the first edition of ______________. Dupes is enough of a mensch to post these NFL picks that are sure to get you all kneecapped, divorced, or both when you follow my advice. The format for these postings will be as such: I will place my pick in bold along with the point spread for the game, followed by smart-ass comments backing up my not so smart-ass picks. The first week of the year is usually a crapshoot since there is so much parity in the pro game, but that's never stopped us before. Enjoy.

Baltimore +9 @ Denver; Thursday 8:30, NBC: This line was at 9 earlier in the week when I used it in Straight Ca$h Homey 2013 Week 2. It has since dropped to 7.5, but no matter. I would take Baltimore anyway. Without going too far into it, not enough respect afforded the defending super bowl champs.

Best looking NFL game ever

Yesterday, the Redskins played the Steelers.  The 'skins wore their white tops with gold pants and striped socks.  When Washington added their gold pants a few years ago with those socks, they become top notch.  Then the Steelers busted out their 30s throwback, and as the NFL Redzone Channel flipped to this game, I got excited.  I'm just going to post some pictures and leave it at that.  Other than the black side panels and the stupid Nike collar for the skins, A+++++++++.  I need a pair of those socks.  Both.  And then another 20 pairs.

Source: Uni-Watch

Muck Fodell

Art Modell died yesterday morning at age 87 at Johns Hopkins of natural causes.  All day there was a debate on his legacy, and how he made the got the wheels moving for the NFL to turn into a giant with his TV deal making abilities or something in the 60s.  Congrats.  He also was an owner of teams that won 2 NFL Championships.  Congrats again, Art.  He also moved the Browns to Baltimore after the 1995 season and left Cleveland without a professional football team for 3 years.  Your father might have been the greatest dad ever, but once he hit your mom, he is a scumbag forever.  That’s how I feel about Art.

 

I am biased because I grew up a Browns fan and went to their games with my dad, who grew up a Browns fan and watched them in-person win NFL Championships in the 50s and 60s.  I was at the last game in 1995, crying after I got my seat taken by a security guy, after the Bengals had to turn away from the Dawg Pound once they crossed the 50 due to the stands being thrown onto the field and fireworks being let off in the bathrooms.  I didn’t have an NFL team from 1996-1998 when I was in middle school.  Art Modell took the Browns and made them purple and black in a city that once had their team stolen and taken to Indy.  The Ravens then drafted about 10 HOFers (with Ozzie’s help) and won a Super Bowl in 4 years, a game the Browns have never been to.  When Lebron James left Cleveland, some say he was the most hated athlete in Cleveland history.  He was, except for Art Modell.

 

I do have to admit there are some factors that would calm my hatred for that man.  Maybe if Browns made it to the playoffs more than one time since they came back in 1999.  Maybe if the Ravens didn’t draft guys who will end up in Canton and if they didn’t win a Super Bowl 4 years after they moved.

 

But guess what?  All of that did happen, and I will forever hate Art Modell.  I am not happy he died.  It brings back a lot of pain and anger.  But I’m not going to look at him as a good owner.  He was broke, moved to Baltimore, got a new stadium, won a Super Bowl in 2000 and had to sell the team in 2004 because he was broke again. 

 

You can come at me with, “you’re just a Browns fan, get over it.”  You’re right, I am a Browns fan, and no, I will never get over it.  He moved the Browns out of Cleveland.  I am glad he will not be alive when he gets inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, and the ceremony will be less than favorable.  I am sorry for his family for their loss, but don’t expect me to “get over it.”  He took my team because of greed and mistakes.  Muck Fodell for eternity.

Chad Ochocitgo Released By the Dolphins

This also happened over the weekend.  The same old story of a premiere athlete who met his wife after cussing her out on twitter, headbutts said wife after she found a receipt for condoms.  As he wait in jail, his team releases him.

Chad Johnson, who was a force with the Bengals, wore out his welcome after he changed his name to Ochocinco was moved to the Patriots, who love to take a chance on players who were run from their previous team.  Johnson was a top 10 WR just a few years back and last year had less than 20 catches in a pass happy offense with a hall-of-fame quarterback who made Dion Branch a lot of money.  He couldn't figure out the playbook and "lost himself".  His hometown team scooped him up this year and from the first episode of "Hard Knocks" on HBO, seemed like he was their main only threat to gain yards at any point of the year (THEY ARE HORRIBLE).

Now he's pumping gas after going Lord Tensi on his twitter wife.  I could care less about this, other than putting your hands (or forehead) on a woman is deplorable.  But at least "Hard Knocks" will be watchable for two more weeks.  That is, until the 3rd preseason game, the "dress rehearsal" if you will, when the "first" team gets outscored by 30.  Maybe they will be able to draft Barkley next year.  You know, a quarterback in college who played quarterback for 4 years in college and high school and middle school.  Who also has a hot wife/girlfriend, WHO PLAYED QUARTERBACK THE ENTIRE TIME WHILE IN COLLEGE.  Sorry, but taking a WR who converted into a QB for a year and half at the 9th pick, I do not like.  How very Browns of you.

SO ANYWAY, if you have HBO or have HBO GO and use someone else's password and are on the fence about watching "Hard Knocks", the Dolphins were the 10th team asked and the 1st team to say yes.  This incident will be featured so watch the next two episodes.  Then move on to Brickelberry.

Heads Up: Browns Uni

Here is what the Browns will wear in their opener at home vs. the Eagles.  No changes, other than instead of all white socks with the sleeve stripes, they are going with brown socks and two orange stripes.  Might not look better than the all-white uni, but sign me up for about 20 of those socks baby.  Best looking team in the NFL.

Timothy Richard Tebow

One of the greatest college quarterbacks just finished another 4th quarter comeback as the Broncos moved atop the AFC West with a 13-10 overtime win against the Bears.  Once again, Denver was down 10-0 in the 4th and have a touchdown and a fieldgoal to tie it and a 52-yarder to win.  Denver is 7-1 this year at Tim as starter and look to be in control of the west as the Raiders free fall in grand fashion.

I love Tebow.  When at Florida, he was first introduced as the quarterback to beat the high school team on MTV's Two-a-Days.  Then, as a freshmen, he came in during goalline situations and helped the Gators win a national championships.  He won the Heisman as a sophomore and led the Gators to another title.  He was then drafted in the first round by Josh McDaniels, who was fired halfway through Tim's first season.  The majority of NFL guys said Tebow is not a qb.  He should be a goalline player or a TE/FB and became an instant underdog.  That's when I went from Tebow is good to LET HIM PLAY AND SEE WHAT HE CAN DO EVEN IF HIS HEAD COACH AND PRESIDENT DON'T THINK HE CAN PLAY QUARTERBACK AND WILL PROBABLY CUT HIM AFTER THIS YEAR.  I go over the top on Twitter by poking his haters (@Americaback10 and @mattharriman) and say he is a top 15 quarterback and all he does is win.  Since the Browns suck @$$, the Broncos are my new 2011 team and here is a list of starting quarterbacks.  Here are the quarterbacks he is better than.  Take it with a grain of salt and the tie goes to Tebow, duh.  Tebow is better than the quarterbacks in bold.

Al Davis

According to Raiders.com Al Davis has passed away (via @kegsneggs)

Browns get it done, forget the first 56 minutes



Game-winning 14 yard TD catch
(Ed Suba Jr./Akron Beacon Journal)



Good God that was a bad game, with flags galore.  The Juggernaut was out with strep throat, I hope someone gets his homework for him.  Willie Green Montario Hardesty took the bulk of the carries (14 for 67, and looked all the part of a 2nd round pick) and against the desperate and winless Dolphins, all signs pointed toward another Browns loss where they played down to their opponent and small mistakes lead to a big loss with a sprinkle of WTF/OMG in the last 2:00.

Top Plays of the Week

There seemed to be a lot of great plays from this weeking in college and pro football and here they are:

American Futbol: Red Cahd for the Big Blue

I am not a big fan of soccer.  There are many things I don't like about it.  The red and yellow cahds, the no scoring (one-nil. BLOWOUT), the counting up, the no definitive end to the match, the no use of hands, the pony tails and celebrations, the fan riots/murders, the refs making up rules and not having to explain themselves, the FIFA political crap, etc.
I know everyone in America gets caught up in the World Cup and the pubs are packed at noon until we lose to a nation that needs running water.  Then everyone gets ready for NFL preseason.

Browns off the shnide

AJ Mast-AP

Browns 27 Colts 19.  Pat Shurmur got his first career victory as a head coach on the backs of the Juggernaut and Joshua Cribbs.  Colt looked strong at times, and the defense made plays when they needed to.  Jabaal Sheard is a man beast and this looks like a Browns team could have easily been looking at a 2-0 record going into this week against the 'phins (1:00 CBS).

Citgo Watch

    

    

     =  

       

Give up a 99 yard touchdown where the guy beats you for 20 and glides the rest of the 79 yards on Monday Night Football? DING!

Here's the article, found from The Big Lead's Roundup, a must read to start every day for the rest of history

Brown Stain on My Heart Again

Well lookie here, the 2011 National Football League started this past weekend, and the Browns hosted the Bengals and were favored (!).  The Browns, looked by many as last year's Lions (too young but the parts could be in place in a tough division) were actually picked to win (!!).  If you happened to stream WKNR (ESPN Radio in Cleveland) on your ipad while playing NCAA Football '12 before the game, you were exposed to a 20 point line, in favor of the Orange and Brown of course.  The Bengals, looked by many as the last 20 years Bengals, had no chance (can anyone explain why Marvin Lewis was not only not fired but had his contract extended????).