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Tuesday, August 21, 2012

2012 Season Preview - Straight Ca$h Homey

Last year I won the weekly NCAA football pick ‘em betting league.  After week 1 where I went 3-4, I said f*ck it and went  with my gut.  I took teams I tend to love to bet on (that have burned me forever)…big offenses in a shitty conference along with betting against teams that are horrible just about every week, regardless of who they are playing.
I also look at hot/cold teams and if the team has been tested in the past few weeks, no major injuries and a quality QB and O-line or a team with a D full of preds and not a shit given.
I'm too Buckeye
to bet on them

The teams I loved last year were Bama and LSU, Okie State, Wisconsin, Houston and USC late in the year.  The key was to stick with those teams throughout the year, not just after a big win I would’ve missed.  Teams I always bet against were Kentucky, Ole Miss, UNLV, Arizona, Kansas, UCLA and Texas Tech.  Notre and the Buckeyes killed me so they are on my shit list.  Not so much the Buckeyes because last season has been erased from my memory, along with the Bollman-designed offensive attack (run run pass punt).  So yeah, f*ck you Notre.  But I am never taking the Buckeyes ever.  My heart is too invested.

Going into this year, here are some of the teams I am looking at:
Obviously USC, Bama, LSU, and Oregon early.  Not a big deal.  The highly-ranked teams I hate are Virginia Tech, Michigan, and Notre Dame to an extent.  And it’s just not my Buckeye-bias. 

Virginia Tech has two pure freshmen RBs and a rebuilt/young O-line.  The ACC is weak, but I don’t see VT in the top 20 in anything.  They have a huge QB who is magical, but he is going to be pounded early and often, and Frank Beamer is overrated.  He has won less than five times against a top 10 team while at VT.
No way he finishes the game against 'bama

Michigan, if you look at their season last year, they had to go 80 in 30 seconds to beat Notre, squashed at Sparty, gave up 34 to the worst offense in the history of Ohio State, and really did nothing in the Sugar Bowl against my Hokies.   Yes they won in OT, but the way they dominated the first half, it should’ve been over by the 3rd quarter.  They didn’t play Wisconsin and had a really good season, but no way they get all the breaks they got last year.  Also, nice schedule this year, Big Blue. 

Living, breathing, pick 6
Especially in the red zone
Notre was a tire fire with last year’s schedule and this year, well…good luck with that.  If you ever bet on Notre Dame, punch yourself in the face, then take that money, put it into a bag with dogshit, light it on fire, and put it out with said punched face.  Then take that burnt bag, turn that som’bitch sideways and STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS.

Of course things are subject to change, like if a linebacker gets arrested for throwing his baby mama into a door, or the star RB gets kicked out and has to go D-II.  Or a returning Heisman finalist has to go to “weed rehab”…wait nevermind.  LSU still has 3 AA in the defensive backfield.  They won’t miss one beat. One thing I know…I’m already taking one team I like (Bama) over one team I don’t (Mich) and it could be a money game.  Oh and Notre Dame is favored by more than 2 touchdowns while they play in Ireland against a team that runs the option and has stunned/scared major programs early in the past.  I’m taking America and the Navy against the Irish. STRAIGHT CA$H HOMEY.  See you in just over a week.  I didn’t mention Clemson?  If you don’t know to STAY AWAY FROM CLEMSON AT ALL COSTS THEN GO DO METH.