Straight Ca$h Homey 2013: Week 3

After a good week 1, week 2 slapped me right in the balls. Oklahoma State gave up 28 points in the 4^th quarter to un-cover. Notre Dame made Michigan look like the ’07 Patriots and Syracuse got the boom lowered on them by those Wildcats. I thought Wazzu would cover, but when I went to bed at half after they housed a pick-six to tied it at 7-7, I did not expect the FINAL to be 10-7. Lane Kiffin is the best ever. Bucks covered by half and Ducks covered right after half. Should’ve taken Baylor, damnit.

 

This week is Game of the Century 2 as the Crimson Tide stroll into Aggieland. Buckeyes head to Berkley and the new LA football school heads into the Big Red. Week 3 is upon us. Here. We. Go.

7Louisville -14 at Kentucky

12:00 ESPN

$$ Kentucky couldn't handle Petrino, his motorcycle or the Hilltoppers. Teddy B is gonna turn off the lights at Commonwealth Stadium and light a candle for the souls of the Wildcats.

AGREE. The Cardinals and two touchdowns against a Kentucky team that lost to WKU?? UK supposedly has great guys coming up. However, they do not have great guys right now, and Louisville has beaten their ass the last few years. Bridgewater will score touchdowns at will and even if it gets within 7 or 10 late, Louisville can and will score. Cardinals roll early.

Professional Football Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks of the Century 2013: Week 1

Here are some NFL picks.  I am choosing to abstain due to the small spreads, every week doesn't really count because a Wild Card team can win the Super Bowl, and with the Browns sucking and my fantasy football team sucking, and by being hungover on Sundays, there are reasons why teams are favored but really, any game is a coin flip and every game comes down to a field goal, so I stay the hell away from NFL spreads unless a 6pt teaser on the afternoon games are available.  ANYWAY...I've been told placing wagers on the NFL teams that are playing each other is becoming quite popular so here you go...

By Robert Perryman (@iamnotajerk)

Welcome all to the first edition of ______________. Dupes is enough of a mensch to post these NFL picks that are sure to get you all kneecapped, divorced, or both when you follow my advice. The format for these postings will be as such: I will place my pick in bold along with the point spread for the game, followed by smart-ass comments backing up my not so smart-ass picks. The first week of the year is usually a crapshoot since there is so much parity in the pro game, but that's never stopped us before. Enjoy.

Baltimore +9 @ Denver; Thursday 8:30, NBC: This line was at 9 earlier in the week when I used it in Straight Ca$h Homey 2013 Week 2. It has since dropped to 7.5, but no matter. I would take Baltimore anyway. Without going too far into it, not enough respect afforded the defending super bowl champs.

Straight Ca$h Homey 2013: Week 2

Well that was fun. College football was back and there were a ton of good games. There were a ton of bad games too with bad teams losing to 1-AAs all over the place. The spread revolution has made smaller teams able to keep up and bigger defenses grab for the oxygen. Bad losses in August get made up by winning streaks in November, but yeah, Oregon State, USF, Kansas State…see ya.

 

How did we do? I went 5-2, winning my money game even though Bama’s offense looked more-or-less like very average, and they still won by 25. I went 2-1 with my alternate picks with Boise getting run off Washington’s new field. Yikes. Also, welcome to the Jamis Winston show. Him along with Oregon’s signal caller are my Heisman darkhorses. Rob went 5-2 as well, getting his money game with the winded Clowney on Thursday. Not a bad weekend over all, but with the Buckeyes up 23 after the first quarter, what the hell was that?! They were on pace for a 92-0 rout :(

This week…well everyone takes a breather. South Carolina at UGA, The U and Gators, Mich and Notre, and that’s about it. Oregon at UVA, ok??

 

Bonus NFL THURSDAY NIGHT PRO FOOTBALL OPENING DAY WEEEKEND BUT ON A THURSDAY AS THE DEFENDING SUPERBOWL CHAMPS HAVE TO PLAY ON THE ROAD BECAUSE THE O’S STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK OF THE CENTURY YEAR BONUS PICK AT THE VERY END THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE

Week 2 Picks

$$$ Cincinnati -7.5 @ Illinois

12:00 ESPN2

The second best team in Ohio is a lot better than what might only be the third best team in Illinois. #OATW

This seems like a very solid bet, considering Purdue is better than Illinois. I don’t really care about this game enough to put money on it, but I like it the pick.

Straight Ca$h Homey 2013: Week 1

This is the best time of the year. College football kicks off and there will be football every weekend from now until the Super Bowl. This year, I was approached by my buddy Rob (@iamnotajerk) who wanted to get in this straight cash homey. So when I get my lines, I send them to him. He does his picks with his thoughts, and then I respond with my thoughts. If I pick games that he doesn't, then I include those at the end.  He then will or will not send responses to those, because it’s a free country and who am I to have a gavel in my hand? We’re just talking ball and vegas, no big deal.  If keeping track seems confusing, YOU AIN'T GOT NO WORRIES. The picks will be laid out at the very end. NOW ONTO WEEK 1 YES FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL...this may also happen for NFL picks but since every game is +/- 3 points and any team can win for no reason, I may just keep those to Rob..WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE...

Rob is noted at "RP" and in black. My responses are after "JD" and are in blue.

Behind the scenes/techy dork note: writing emails in GMAIL seem to be terrible.  It auto-saves every third word and takes about 20 minutes to type a paragraph.  I am trying to figure out what works the best as I try to transfer and update the text, so the format of this thing may be jacked up.  Bear with me, or not.  Who cares, I’m not getting paid other than these picks.  America.

 

RP: The easy one first:
OSU -35 vs. Buffalo
12:00 ESPN2
Because The's schedule sucks, the best route to a national title game is to impress in every. Single. Game. Plust with suspensions to Roby and Hyde, the backups should want to do everything possible to earn playing time for later in the year. And Buffalo...well they're Buffalo.
JD: Agreed. The first games are always tricky because you never know what your team is and the suspensions and the hype and there are just a lot of questions. But...Buffalo isn't going to stop the Buckeyes and the Buckeyes will stop Buffalo. Also, Urban runs his offense with his 1s, 2s, 3s, and random students from the south stands. If it gets 28-0...he's still going to score. I'll be back at the tailgate by the early 4th with this game locked up. Not like Rice or Pitt in the 90s, but I think the Scarley and Gray are looking in the 60s. MACTION will have to wait.

*Results* Straight Ca$h Homey: CFB Week 2 Picks

I started off defending my title by going a nice 2-5 thanks to a running-first Irish offense, a horrible Northwestern defense and no QB play from South Carolina nor Sparty.  I did straight up call the Michigan and Holgo and the 'neers remained on their late-2011 form.  This week, I have to do better, right?  Not "Showdown Saturday" by any means, so many of these are games I will be watching anyway.  Note: Urban Meyer is 35-7 ATS in non-conf games.  Therefore I am taking facts, not my heart, when I take Ohio State over the Golden Knights.  To the Week 2 picks...
2-5, lost the money game straight up.  Overall 4-10 and next to last in the standings.  Good news, 13 weeks left.  Hopefully I get a feel for some teams after getting my brains beaten in the first two weeks.  Time to pick and rally...

Money Game:
13 Wisconsin -8 at Oregon State
4:00 FX
The Badgers only beat Northern Iowa 26-21 last week.  However, UNI could probably beat the Beavers.  I love taking Wisconsin early, because 1)Their coach is a dick and 2)They don't have to face any team they put 70 on again (unless you count Northwestern).  Should Wisconsin beat Oregon State by at least 20?  Hell yes.  Wisconsin? Money game? Odd.
L 10-7 Wisconsin went to Reaser Stadium and lost to the Beavers.  Monte Ball had less than 100 yards and they were held scoreless for about 58 minutes.  The refs seemed to get the onside kick wrong, however, Bucky wasn't going to get to -8 any way you slice it.  They looked horrible against NIU and even worse Saturday.  I am very happy that Wisconsin lost, however this was a horrible pick.  Week 2 everybody!

Pick 2:
Central Florida at 14 Ohio State -17.5
12:00 ESPN2
Gotta go with Urban.  17.5 is a big number, against Ohio State's biggest non-conf game (thanks Cal, for nothing), but I like 3 scores here.  Let's hope for the best and prepare for the best.  I swear, this time, if OSU doesn't cover, I will be done with them.  Forever.  For real this time you guys (probably not).
L 31-16 I took Ohio State and they won but lost.  They looked a little sluggish both offensively and defensively.  UCF has some guys, but Ohio State didn't bring their A game.

Pick 3:
Miami FL at 21 Kansas State -7
12:00 FX
K-State was a great cover team last year.  Miami sucks.  In The Octogon Bill Snyder Family Stadium.  Noon.  7 points is pretty big, but Miami sucks.
W 52-14 Lone bright spot.  K-State put a whoopin' on them boys from Dade county.

Pick 4:
Auburn +3 at Mississippi State
12:00 ESPN
Auburn showed me a little last week against Clemson.  Miss. St. couldn't run through smoke.  The Bulldogs also have become also-rans in the SEC west and I look for the Tigers to rebound and take the W in Starkvegas.  War Damn Cover At Least.
L 28-10 Mullen and the Bulldogs get their first SEC West win outside of Ole Miss.  Auburn is 0-2 and didn't look good.  Bad pick, straight up.

Pick 5:
1 2 USC -27 at Syracuse
3:30 ESPN2
Syracuse gave up 42 to Northwestern.  Northwestern doesn't have Silas Redd, Matt Barkley, Woods nor Lee.  If the D holds the Orange under 13, easy cover.
L 42-29 After about a 2 hour lightening/halftime break, USC got the W but let the Orange score late.  They looked like they wanted to just get out of there instead of going for 'cuse's throat.

Pick 6:
7 Georgia -2 at Missouri
7:45 ESPN2
The locals will be fired up, and we will get to see the number one recruit try to do his thing against a stingy Bulldog D.  2 points isn't a lot and I think UGA's depth, experience and *speed* will knock off Mizzou in their SEC debut by at least a touchdown.
W 41-20 Missouri actually had the lead after a quick-strike long touchdown in the 3rd, but the Bulldog "old-man football" proceeded to kick the Tigers off its lawn.  UGA won running away.  Nice pick.  UGA seems either really strong or Mizzou is in a world of trouble when they go 3 and out in the SEC.

Pick 7:
18 Oklahoma State -11.5 at Arizona
10:30 Pac 12 Network (?)
After the Pokes put 84 on Sav. State last week, they got me.  I love big offense and I love to bet against shitty teams.  This one has both.  Arizona had to close one of their endzone stands so they could lump the fans together.  No home field advantage, and if you think this squad can keep up with Gundy, tit-for-tat, you are mistaken.  The only challenge will be staying up for this one, by following it on my iphone/ipad.  What the hell is the Pac-12 Network and how do I watch it?
L 59-38 After the Pokes went up 14-0 in the first 10 minutes, 'zona blew them out.  I watched up to halftime on my ipad with the newly redesigned ESPN Scorecenter app.  Pretty tight.  Pick sucked.

Best of the Rest:
23 Florida at Texas A&M -1.5
3:30 ESPN
Florida looked like shit against BG, and TAMU hasn't played a game yet under their new coach from Houston (holy shit does Houston miss him).  Standard early this-game-could-go-many-ways.  Did the "real" Gators show up last week, or could they put 50 on a traditional shaky Aggie defense?  Are the Aggies ready to air it out?  Home field sure, but after 4 straight 3-and-outs, can the Gators get a road SEC win?  We will see...
L 20-17 Gators outscored the Aggies 13-0 after they were down 17-7 at half.  Huge road win for Florida.

16 Nebraska -5 at UCLA
7:30 FOX
Don't get it twisted.  Taylor Martinez didn't become Tom Brady over the offseason.  They were showing clips from last year and against Southern Miss and I honestly didn't see that much difference.  I like the Huskers due to UCLA's defense and I don't think Jim Mora (don't dare call him Jr.) is a good coach.  Burkhead's MCL is HUGE, therefore I am not taking this one as one of my 7 picks.
L 36-30 Unforeseen shootout in the Rose Bowl.  The Blackshirts couldn't stop swing pass right nor swing pass left.  Par for the course for the B1G.  UCLA seems to be making major strides under Mora Jr.  I can't wait until they lose to Colorado and/or Washington State by 50.

Vanderbilt at Northwestern +3
8:00 BTN
Vandy should be feeling pretty good coming off their near-win against South Carolina, and night games in Evanston are no joke.  Home dog?  I'll take the Wildcats again.
W 23-14 The 'cats were down at half and I watched maybe three plays of this game.  Nice rebound W after their near-collapse at Syracuse last week.  Vanderbilt, who looked like they could not finish last in the SEC lost to Northwestern.  There you go.

*Results Update* Straight Ca$h Homey: CFB Week 1 Picks

Back as the defending champ, here are my picks for week 1.  For those of you who don't know, my buddies and I put in $5 and pick 7 college games a week, and after the bowls, the winner gets the money.  You get a bonus for picking your "money game", going 7-0, 6-1 or 0-7, and having the best record that week.  A running total is kept throughout the season.

Anyway, I won last year and am back to defend my title.  Here are my picks with notes.  The lines we get are out on Tuesday afternoon and we have until kickoff on Thursday night to submit our picks.  I will also include a few extra picks I like but don't have the guts to include them in my top 7. 

Overall: 2-5, money game victory

Week 1
Pick $:
8 Michigan vs. 2 Alabama -13 (Dallas)
8:00 ABC (GAMEDAY)
If even Brady Hoke starts his "suspended indefinitely" running back (glass house, Sun and Blue nation), Saban has had all summer to figure out how to stop the college version of the NYJ Tebow package (call passing play - run around - recievers go deep - run for a couple yards).  Denard will not leave this game under his own power.  Anything under 13.5 and I'm on this like Chuck Weis on homemade cookies out the oven.
W 41-14
Bama got up 31-0 and dominated the entire game.  Just as I suspected.  There weren't many Michigan Men out there Saturday night.

Pick 2:
9 South Carolina -7 at Vanderbuilt
7:00 ESPN Thursday - College Football Kickoff
1. Vandy cannot stop Lattimore. 2. Vandy cannot score against Clowney and co.  Easy 10-14 point win.
L 17-13
Early turnovers and the QB injury for the 'cocks led to a pretty bad performance from a top ten SEC team.  Vandy played pretty well and looks to be out of the cellar of the SEC East.

Pick 3:
24 Boise State at 13 Michigan State -7
8:00 ESPN Friday
Boise doesn't have the quarterback who has the most wins in the history of NCAA football as a starter and have to start out at Sparty at night.  7 is just fine, but you never know what those wacky Broncos will pull out.  I would hope a top-tier B1G team could beat this Boise team at home at night by at least 10.
L 17-13
Michigan State defense: pretty good.  Michigan State offense: pretty bad.  Ringer 2.0 in Bell and a new QB who looks like a new QB.  Clemson of the north shows again.

Pick 4:
Notre Dame vs. Navy +16.5 (Dublin, Ireland)
9:00A CBS
Foreign country, versus a pure-option team, and no answer behind center.  I've seen it before many-a-time and anything over two touchdowns is huge.  Also, I will never ever take Notre ever.  Take America.
L 50-10
Notre went pound and ground and outclassed Navy every way.  No pitch and catch = no pitch and pick.  9:00 AM live college football is great.  The NCAA should probably look into this more.

Pick 5:
Marshall at 14 West Viginia -24.5
12:00 FX
DubV put 70+ on Clemson.  A year later, a worse opponent, at home.  Kick is at noon so it may take a while for the Holgo train to get on track, but this is a quick fiddy spot for Geno and the boys.
W 69-34
Holgo be rollin'.

Pick 6:
Northwestern -1.5 at Syracuse
12:00 ESPN2
Love the Wildcats early in the year, on the road.  Half-empty Carrier Dome.  I'll take NW to get the W. Note: the .5 scares me.  Damn you Vegas.
L 42-41
Bad loss of the week.  The 'cats took a 35-13 lead and puked all over themselves.  They ended up scoing in the last minute to win by 1, naturally.  Damn you Northwestern.

Pick 7:
4 Oklahoma -30.5 at UTEP
10:30 FX
Boomer Sooner will have 38 at half.  Can the Sooners' back-up back-ups hold the Miners in the 3rd and 4th?  Top 4 teams don't give up multiple TDs late.
L 24-7
I'm getting off the Oklahoma train real quick.



Best of the rest:
Hawai'i at 1 USC -39.5
7:00 FOX
Why wouldn't I be looking at the number 1 team by over 5 touchdowns?
L 49-10
Why wouldn't they only win by 39?  Went for two about 10 times because their kicker was injured.  Damn you Lane and Vegas.

Toledo +10 at Arizona
10:30 ESPNU
No way a shitty Arizona will have the new Rich-Rod offense in sync, plus my heart lies with a visiting #MACTION team.  The Rockets could get a big win for the youngest coach in D-1.  Plus, a reason to watch football at 10:30 after tailgating all day.  Gotta have something on the tube while I take down multiple Locos Tacos.  GO SCHOOL FROM OHIO.
W 24-17 OT
The Rockets battled and could have won.  Don't sleep on the MAC!

Kentucky at 25 Louisville -13.5
3:30 ESPN Sunday
Heated rivalry, and Louisville is playing Kentucky.  They aren't very good.  I don't see a court or hoops.  Under two touchdowns?  Me likey.
W 32-14
Kentucky gave up an opening 99 1/2yard drive.  Holy Hell they are bad.  Look for them in these posts in the future.  Joker = Citgo

2012 Season Preview - Straight Ca$h Homey

Last year I won the weekly NCAA football pick ‘em betting league.  After week 1 where I went 3-4, I said f*ck it and went  with my gut.  I took teams I tend to love to bet on (that have burned me forever)…big offenses in a shitty conference along with betting against teams that are horrible just about every week, regardless of who they are playing.

I also look at hot/cold teams and if the team has been tested in the past few weeks, no major injuries and a quality QB and O-line or a team with a D full of preds and not a shit given.

I'm too Buckeye
to bet on them

The teams I loved last year were Bama and LSU, Okie State, Wisconsin, Houston and USC late in the year.  The key was to stick with those teams throughout the year, not just after a big win I would’ve missed.  Teams I always bet against were Kentucky, Ole Miss, UNLV, Arizona, Kansas, UCLA and Texas Tech.  Notre and the Buckeyes killed me so they are on my shit list.  Not so much the Buckeyes because last season has been erased from my memory, along with the Bollman-designed offensive attack (run run pass punt).  So yeah, f*ck you Notre.  But I am never taking the Buckeyes ever.  My heart is too invested.

Going into this year, here are some of the teams I am looking at:

Obviously USC, Bama, LSU, and Oregon early.  Not a big deal.  The highly-ranked teams I hate are Virginia Tech, Michigan, and Notre Dame to an extent.  And it’s just not my Buckeye-bias. 

Virginia Tech has two pure freshmen RBs and a rebuilt/young O-line.  The ACC is weak, but I don’t see VT in the top 20 in anything.  They have a huge QB who is magical, but he is going to be pounded early and often, and Frank Beamer is overrated.  He has won less than five times against a top 10 team while at VT.

No way he finishes the game against 'bama

Michigan, if you look at their season last year, they had to go 80 in 30 seconds to beat Notre, squashed at Sparty, gave up 34 to the worst offense in the history of Ohio State, and really did nothing in the Sugar Bowl against my Hokies.   Yes they won in OT, but the way they dominated the first half, it should’ve been over by the 3^rd quarter.  They didn’t play Wisconsin and had a really good season, but no way they get all the breaks they got last year.  Also, nice schedule this year, Big Blue. 

Living, breathing, pick 6
Especially in the red zone

Notre was a tire fire with last year’s schedule and this year, well…good luck with that.  If you ever bet on Notre Dame, punch yourself in the face, then take that money, put it into a bag with dogshit, light it on fire, and put it out with said punched face.  Then take that burnt bag, turn that som’bitch sideways and STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS.

Of course things are subject to change, like if a linebacker gets arrested for throwing his baby mama into a door, or the star RB gets kicked out and has to go D-II.  Or a returning Heisman finalist has to go to “weed rehab”…wait nevermind.  LSU still has 3 AA in the defensive backfield.  They won’t miss one beat. One thing I know…I’m already taking one team I like (Bama) over one team I don’t (Mich) and it could be a money game.  Oh and Notre Dame is favored by more than 2 touchdowns while they play in Ireland against a team that runs the option and has stunned/scared major programs early in the past.  I’m taking America and the Navy against the Irish. STRAIGHT CA$H HOMEY.  See you in just over a week.  I didn’t mention Clemson?  If you don’t know to STAY AWAY FROM CLEMSON AT ALL COSTS THEN GO DO METH.